Sunday, August 27, 2006

Rainy Sunday

The rain has been soaking the earth most of the day. It's late evening, and I just finished Sparkey's IV. We were hanging out upstairs and he joined us, and now seems hesitant to go back down. He's been making it up to the second floor on his own recently, but going down is most problematic, like he just can't put on the brakes. I've taken to carrying him both up and down the stairs most of the time, and sometimes carry him to the house from the driveway when he just seems too tired or reluctant. I take a break from writing and carry him down. Mary's convincing him to go for a walk.

Mary feels that he just isn't having much fun anymore and I must agree. We'll be consulting the animal communicator soon, and the vet will be here Tuesday to give us her input. When I think of euthanizing Sparkey, I feel a queasy feeling in my stomach. How to say goodbye under those circumstances? Do we cook him a last supper? When is the right time? Do I dig the grave before or after? Should our son be here or not? It's overwhelming and sad. I'm at a loss.


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